Thursday, January 28, 2016

Can I Blog My Way To Independence?

January 15th 2016 | Manhattan Bridge, New York City
Photo: La PETITE Blog

I am on the precipice of complete and utter ruin. I am currently lacking in faith, funds, confidence and reassurance that 'tomorrow' will be okay. I have hit an all time BLOCK in life - from losing my mother after a ten month battle with cancer and shortly there after  (two months and twenty-four days to be exact) losing my brother suddenly; I have completely and utterly lost my 
focus and drive.

I once had a thriving career as a fashion stylist - working with celebrities, publications - etc.; when I took time away to deal with being a caretaker and then grieving  - I wish someone would of informed me that those contacts, those 'friends' I thought I had all but disappeared. Phone calls are sent to voicemail, emails and texts unanswered - so here I am.If I want to be a stylist again I will have to start all over again - here's the honest truth - I have no interest in styling. Frankly I have no interest in anything at the moment.

Without a steady stream of income, really no security on where I am going to live and living in complete fear that all this stress and anxiety is going to leave me completely and irrevocably 
 broken. It's just been too much to bear.

Here's the question:  What am I to do? I do not own anything of any value besides this MacBook Pro I am currently perusing - and even this has depreciated as it's from 2011. I have this blog - yes, this blog I started in 2008 on whim because I was in between styling projects and wanted an outlet where I can share things that I fancied. I never really focused on my blog  being a 'business' because I kept it somewhat as a hobby - but now it's literally all I have.
My question to you (whomever is reading this - or not) is there hope for me? How do I pick myself back up?

For the past nine months I have gone to grief counseling and recently therapy to deal with it all - from the bereavement to the anxiety (and yes,
depression) I have even started meditating. The photo above is me walking from Brooklyn to Manhattan to my meditation class (it's a free series) during the walk I was actually reciting the Rosary, asking God to give me clarity, to give me hope - honestly to give me faith because I have none.

Then today happen.  I participated in a Google Hangout chat  with blogger and author Mary Carver discussing her new book Choose Joy: Finding Hope and Purpose When Life Hurts
 (Faith Words) a new book about the amazing Sara Frankl who lived with Ankylosing Spondylitis an autoimmune disease resulting in chronic pain. Sara was confined to her home because of the disease and transcended at the age of 38. During the chat Mary spoke about how Sara had a joie de vie about her, that her joy was a choice and a testament to the 'fruit of her spirit' - sentiments I can relate to that of my grandmother who lived with Alzheimer's and Parkinson's disease (she passed a year before my mother, my mother was diagnosed literally six months after we buried her....) and my mother who was constantly in a state of gratitude even at the very end - even to that of my brother who was a shining light to the entire family during my mother's services yet he was literally on his last days but was of service to others. People like Sara, like Granmél, like Mommy and like Frantzy are a rare breed. They have the clarity and the strength to Choose Joy - but what about people like me?

I have so many questions and I am not going to be scared (anymore - well I will try not to be scared) and I will ask them until I find the answer that leads me to joy. Maybe reading the book (which I haven't done yet) will be a good start, maybe not but I know that I have to work on me because
I literally have nothing to lose. 


Anonymous said...

dont give up! read the law of attraction, believe in it, and good things will come

oakleyses said...

michael kors outlet online, tiffany jewelry, longchamp outlet, polo ralph lauren outlet online, uggs outlet, oakley sunglasses, louis vuitton outlet, louis vuitton, ugg boots, michael kors outlet online, louis vuitton outlet, michael kors outlet, prada handbags, replica watches, ray ban sunglasses, christian louboutin outlet, longchamp outlet, uggs on sale, oakley sunglasses wholesale, burberry outlet, longchamp outlet, christian louboutin uk, chanel handbags, michael kors outlet online, nike air max, nike air max, tiffany and co, uggs outlet, burberry handbags, prada outlet, nike outlet, christian louboutin shoes, replica watches, jordan shoes, oakley sunglasses, michael kors outlet online, cheap oakley sunglasses, oakley sunglasses, ray ban sunglasses, kate spade outlet, christian louboutin, ray ban sunglasses, michael kors outlet, gucci handbags, nike free, tory burch outlet

oakleyses said...

oakley pas cher, coach outlet, nike air force, michael kors outlet, ralph lauren uk, nike free run, true religion jeans, lululemon canada, jordan pas cher, timberland pas cher, vans pas cher, nike roshe run uk, longchamp pas cher, louboutin pas cher, nike tn, true religion outlet, nike blazer pas cher, guess pas cher, kate spade, true religion outlet, abercrombie and fitch uk, nike air max, replica handbags, mulberry uk, hollister pas cher, nike air max uk, hollister uk, polo lacoste, nike free uk, nike roshe, ray ban pas cher, new balance, michael kors pas cher, north face, hogan outlet, north face uk, converse pas cher, coach purses, ray ban uk, nike air max uk, burberry pas cher, michael kors, michael kors, sac hermes, sac longchamp pas cher, sac vanessa bruno, coach outlet store online, true religion outlet, polo ralph lauren, air max

oakleyses said...

nike huaraches, nike roshe run, soccer jerseys, north face outlet, mac cosmetics, mont blanc pens, hermes belt, new balance shoes, s6 case, louboutin, iphone 6 plus cases, iphone 6 cases, instyler, abercrombie and fitch, north face outlet, beats by dre, soccer shoes, lululemon, jimmy choo outlet, ghd hair, ipad cases, p90x workout, baseball bats, wedding dresses, longchamp uk, iphone 6s plus cases, reebok outlet, ferragamo shoes, herve leger, asics running shoes, iphone 5s cases, chi flat iron, valentino shoes, nike trainers uk, iphone 6s cases, mcm handbags, hollister clothing, timberland boots, ralph lauren, insanity workout, bottega veneta, celine handbags, vans outlet, nike air max, nfl jerseys, babyliss, giuseppe zanotti outlet, iphone cases, oakley, hollister

oakleyses said...

louis vuitton, doudoune moncler, swarovski crystal, pandora jewelry, hollister, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, nike air max, moncler, converse outlet, links of london, swarovski, juicy couture outlet, barbour uk, moncler uk, moncler outlet, ugg,uggs,uggs canada, louis vuitton, ugg, canada goose outlet, moncler outlet, lancel, canada goose outlet, thomas sabo, canada goose, moncler, vans, pandora charms, moncler, gucci, replica watches, louis vuitton, ugg pas cher, juicy couture outlet, canada goose, wedding dresses, converse, ray ban, karen millen uk, moncler, hollister, canada goose uk, canada goose, barbour, supra shoes, marc jacobs, toms shoes, coach outlet, ugg uk, pandora uk, montre pas cher, canada goose outlet, louis vuitton, pandora jewelry

Hua Cai said...

swarovski outlet
louis vuitton bags
michael kors handbags clearance
thomas sabo outlet
michael kors outlet
nike mercurial
michael kors factory outlet
pandora jewelry
mlb jerseys
cheap oakley sunglasses
rolex watches
michael kors handbags
links of london jewellery
coach outlet online
timberland shoes
pandora jewelry
christian louboutin outlet
true religion jeans outlet
michael kors online outlet
lebron shoes
swarovski crystal
iphone cases
prada shoes
ralph lauren shirts
snapbacks wholesale
air force 1 shoes
swarovski crystal
tiffany and co
mulberry outlet store
football shirts
coach outlet
cheap jordan shoes
herve leger dresses
michael kors wallet sale
nike huarache

chenlina said...

kate spade
hollister clothing
canada goose jackets
jordan retro 3
fitflops sale clearance
oakley sunglasses
fitflop sandals
tory burch outlet online
cheap oakley sunglasses
louis vuitton bags
louis vuitton outlet
louis vuitton handbags
coach outlet
michael kors handbags
oakley sunglasses
kobe bryant shoes
hollister kids
michael kors outlet
fake watches
kobe 9
ralph lauren polo
louis vuitton
michael kors handbags
ralph lauren
louis vuitton outlet stores
michael kors outlet online
michael kors uk
cheap ray ban sunglasses
hollister clothing
nike trainers men
pandora jewelry
nike uk
coach factorty outlet
kate spade handbags
louis vuitton outlet
adidas uk
mont blanc pens
toms shoes
lebron 11
michael kors uk

محمد الخطيب said...

شركة كشف تسربات المياه بالرياض
كشف تسربات المياه بالرياض
شركة عزل اسطح بالرياض
شركة عزل خزانات المياه بالرياض
شركه عزل مائى بالرياض
شركة عزل حرارى بالرياض
شركة ترميم منازل بالرياض
شركة مكافحة حشرات بالرياض
شركة رش مبيدات بالرياض
شركة تسليك مجارى بالرياض

شركة كشف تسربات المياه بالدمام
كشف تسربات المياه بالدمام
شركة عزل اسطح بالدمام
شركة عزل خزانات المياه بالدمام
شركه عزل مائى بالدمام
شركة عزل حرارى بالدمام
شركة ترميم منازل بالدمام
شركة مكافحة حشرات بالدمام
شركة رش مبيدات بالدمام
شركة تسليك مجارى بالدمام
شركة ترميم منازل بالدمام
شركة صيانة منازل بالدمام

raybanoutlet001 said...

tiffany and co uk
Cheap Jordans For Sale
cheap uggs
michael kors outlet store
cheap rolex watches
yeezy boost 350
jordan shoes on sale
nike huarache
tiffany jewelry
christian louboutin shoes
nike dunks
nike huarache
kobe basketball shoes
cheap mlb jerseys
nike roshe run
cheap air jordan
air jordan shoes
kobe sneakers
adidas stan smith women
nike roshe run one
lacoste polo shirts
michael kors factory outlet
michael kors outlet store
michael kors outlet store

raybanoutlet001 said...

cheap mlb jerseys
bears jerseys
snow boots
golden state warriors
canada goose jackets
chiefs jersey
nba jerseys
ray ban sunglasses
gucci outlet online
cleveland browns jerseys

Anonymous said...

شركه عزل اسطح
شركه عزل مائى
شركه عزل الاسطح
شركه عزل اسطح
شركه عزل مائى
عزل خزانات
شركه عزل خزانات
شركة عازل خزانات بالرياض
شركه عزل مسابح
شركة عزل خزانات
شركه عزل بالرياض
عزل فوم
شركة عزل فوم
شركة عزل فوم بالرياض
شركة عزل الفوم
كشف تسربات المياه
تسربات المياه
شركة تسربات بالرياض
شركه كشف تسربات بالرياض
شركة رش مبيدات
شركة رش مبيدات بالرياض
رش مبيدات
رش مبيدات بالرياض

Unknown said...

cheap nfl jerseys
nike free
coach outlet store
packers jerseys
new york jets jerseys
arizona cardinals jerseys
nike huarache
ray bans
chiefs jersey
yeezy boost 350 black